REACHING FOR THE STARS
Friday, October 30, 2009, 8:13 PM
The future of my physics grade was resting on today. I've never been good at the sciences but I understand it okay. I worked hard yesterday, spend most of the afternoon and night. If things went like I'd hoped, then I wouldn't have gotten so sad. That's right, I got really sad towards the end of the day and now? I'm just glad I'm not at school anymore. I just went into "shut off" mode for a while.
This morning I woke up pretty late and I responded with a shrug. Didn't think too much of it, went to first period on time. I didn't like what I was wearing today. From the waist down, didn't like it.
In first, I take my spot next to the guy I've liked since the beginning of this month and the ending to "Animal I Have Become" is still in my ears. I put it away and it looks like we need calculators for today. He gets one for me too which was very sweet. He gets me a CBR, whatever that means, and the cord that goes along with it. Smile. What we were doing for today was getting one graph from a calculator transferred on all of ours. When us studs tried doing it, it didn't work. Well, not like I actually tried to do it. Forgot all the buttons he pushed. Ha, so my guy does it for me and it didn't transfer. Made teacher frustrated so he stopped the whole thing and looked at the one graph that we had. Lots of number work and calculations and stuff I didn't know. I really want to know what I'm not getting this like everyone else is. All this is questioning my ability in math. Well, that's what this year has been all about, it's not much of a challenge if I'm being drowned under all this work. Which is totally do-able. I'm just getting in my own way, what Tyra Banks would call 'self sabotage.'
The me not knowing how to do the work in calc is dumbing me down to being one of those people I look down on. I'm one of those people who go panhandling for answers. Did I use that metaphor right? Is that even a metaphor? Whatever so, at the end of class, teacher got sort of mad and looked like he had enough of it... don't really blame him but if he could make things clearer then there wouldn't be any of this. Because I was listening to what he was saying and still I didn't know what we had to do. But still, maybe it's not a problem with him, here's me blaming myself again.
Leadership class was okay. We had the food here, people complaining about it but seriously, they should just be happy that they got food at all. I don't understand why they're complaining, they ate it anyway. Other than the food is was just stalling for me, didn't really have anything to do but that just makes it massive homework for me now.
Fifth period was the downfall of the day. We all know how last year la clase de espaņol was one of my favorite classes. Now, enter espaņol "AP" and I fall. First I left my comp book at home (which started this sadness) and then I work with people who speak really fast and I didn't get anything they said. Then there was the watching the second episode of the telenovela and me not getting it again. And I watched that thing four times. It's frustrating and the getting the quiz puts it over the top. I break down and start tearing up. Actually, that starts when teacher talks to me and mi amiga about it. They notice my sadness and I tell why I was feeling that way. And then while the walking out of the classroom to nowhere in particular I tear up and... it wasn't really a cry, just the tears streaming down. It was horrible and it was horrible enough to have someone come up and ask me what's wrong. Maybe the intentions were in the right place but I wasn't going to break down again trying to explain my feelings.
I stay after school until nearly three and in the hours I stayed in the computer lab, I managed to: finish that lab report, stop crying and start on that acceleration lab. Given, I got the problem wrong when teacher looked it over but... at least when I finish it I'll get full credit.
Have massive, massive homework. Sad that Dollhouse is on hiatus but like I said before, Fox didn't give it a damn chance. Anyway, I'll be all computer all weekend because most of my homework has to do with computer. Hope I actually get to do the work this time other than push it all into Sunday.
|
