Torn
Feedback: 2 comment(s)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007, 5:24 PM
Let’s talk about condom malfunction. Yes, I’m serious, condom malfunction. Ever experienced it? Tell me, please, is it a common complaint? I've heard about women getting pregnant because the rubber broke, but I was always sure this was an urban myth. Puh-lease, these girls were just too ashamed to admit that they didn't use any contraception and got knocked up as a result of their own negligence! I remember sex ed back at elementary about a decade ago, when my teacher brought a condom to class and asked Reni to blow it up like a balloon. He wanted to show us how resilient and durable this form of contraception is. I was fascinated. That little tube sock of flimsy, slimy latex swelled to ridiculously gigantic proportions, absolutely indestructible. From that moment on, I trusted the Condom. There was no way in hell anything was getting past that baby.
The first night Danny and I spent together, being the safe and conscientious adults that we both are, we used a banana yellow Crest condom. Which broke. Literally tore apart into two pieces; one yellow rubber turtle neck for him, and a yellow rubber beret for me (the retrieving of which was fairly awkward, let me tell you…) We were both dumbstruck by this odd event, of course, but as we had no idea how our, uh, actions could have maimed the condom like this, we simply put it off as a manufacturing error. We’d realized we had a condom malfunction situation on our hands in the nick of time, so thankfully we could deescalate the situation before we had to worry about any possible implications. My faith in the Condom was rattled, sure, but what were the odds of such an absurd incident ever happening again?
Friday night, one week ago, Danny ended up at my place again, and this time our choice was a standard, clear, anatomically formed rubber. Which broke. Once more into two neatly detached parts, as if the poor thing had been subjected to a guillotine. I have absolutely no idea how such a thing is even physically possible, how in the name of all that is holy it could happen twice, and what the fuck it is about Danny and me that allows this to happen. Needless to say, my trust in the Condom is now absolutely shattered. Seeing as I have no interest in being in a monogamous relationship and therefore going on the Pill again, and unprotected intercourse as a single girl is absolutely out of the question, well, I might just never have sex again.
(Yes, I am that freaked out over what happened.)
(Join us again next time and read all about Lian's experiences with the Morning After Pill.)
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